How do I know if I would benefit from therapy?

This is probably different for everyone, but there are some common experiences that suggest that talking to a therapist might be helpful.

Many of my clients advise me when we speak for the first time that they have noticed concerning changes in how they’ve been feeling or behaving. For example, feeling low more of the time, feeling anxious or stressed, withdrawing socially, difficulty sleeping, or a general sense that something is not quite right. They often describe an impact on how they feel about themselves – a loss of self-confidence or self-esteem.

Sometimes, this awareness of change in mood or behaviour has been prompted by a partner or a family member, or a GP.

‘I’m not coping very well’

Other clients consider therapy because they have become aware that their usual coping strategies aren’t as helpful as they used to be – perhaps they’ve become aware of their anxiety after losing interest in hobbies, becoming stressed or detached at work, or they are having relationship problems. Sometimes they’ve realised that they are drinking more, using drugs to manage feelings, or engaging in other types of behaviour which have become self-defeating.

Some clients say that they feel stuck, and they are not sure how to get going again. I often hear that people find that a particular life event – a bereavement, or having children, for example - has brought back difficult memories or feelings from childhood, which they would like to explore and understand.

Talking freely about feelings

Therapy is a very helpful process in addressing these issues for various reasons. To start with, it’s a confidential process – no one outside the therapy room knows what we talk about. There’s an important exception here – if a therapist thinks that their client, or anyone else, is at risk of harm, they must disclose this for safeguarding reasons. Aside from this safety issue, everything stays in the room.

Feeling able to speak freely to someone trained to listen – properly listen – is a very liberating experience and this alone can be a tremendous benefit. It’s easy to think of occasions where we have not felt able to talk about our true feelings for fear of upsetting or burdening whoever it is we are speaking to. We might fear being judged or rejected. Therapy provides an environment where these concerns do not become barriers to expressing ourselves.

Clients often find that it’s what they hear themselves saying out loud which has the most powerful impact in therapy. It might be something they’ve been carrying silently for a long time, perhaps without fully acknowledging the depth of their feelings.

What’s happening in the body?

Pausing to check in with what’s happening in the body is a helpful clue towards what’s going on psychologically and whether therapy might help. Some of my clients describe physiological symptoms like racing heartbeat, muscle tension, loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, which can become concerning.

Therapy can help us understand how bodily sensations like these communicate to us what’s going on with our mental and emotional wellbeing. When we are distressed, sometimes it’s these or other fight / flight responses which are the early warning signs. Unpicking this in therapy can be revealing and empowering.

‘Tilting the Mirror’

Another reason why therapy can be so beneficial is because a good therapist can offer fresh perspectives on issues – I call this ‘tilting the mirror’. Instead of viewing our difficulties through the same set of personal assumptions and filters, a therapist can help to unlock new ways of understanding whatever it is which is tripping us up – for example a misfiring relationship, or a pattern of self-defeating behaviour. I am skilled at helping my clients work out whether their emotional difficulties are based on shaky thinking - ‘is there another way of looking at this?’  

It’s not at all unusual to feel unsure about any aspect of talking therapy. The feedback I hear from clients is that talking it over first is helpful and sense-making and means that they can start the work with a clearer understanding of what to expect. This is why I offer a free 30-minute introduction call where you can ask me anything about how I work, therapy in general, or anything else. Drop me a message here and let’s talk about working together and feeling better.

Further reading:

This article from the Mind website outlines what to expect from, and how to benefit from, talking therapy.

Similarly, the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP) website has information useful for anyone thinking about starting therapy.

This article from the Counselling Directory is a useful FAQ for people considering therapy.